Down but not out

I just took a job that is far from anything or anyone I know and love. I went today and found my first apartment and now all I have to do is sign the lease and move in. It is gorgeous. I couldn't ask for a better place to move, but something is missing. I have cried for days and my family is beginning to think I have lost my mind. Especially since I could have taken a job so close to home I would not have had to move. This makes sense to me too. But I feel in my heart that its not what God wants me to do. Sometimes I think that following him should make life easier, however, God never promised that. He said it would be difficult and that we would be persecuted. In history, people were stoned for following HIM. Lucky for me I live in different times.

My heart is broken all the same. I feel like a part of me is dying. One minute I feel exhilarated knowing I am going to be a working professional and taking care of myself. But then I realize what this truly means. It means I will be alone. I won't get to see my mom and dad every day or even every week. It means that I will probably see or talk to my fiance rarely. It means that when I feel sad or lonely I can't curl up on the couch beside my mom and let her brush my hair and tell me she understands.

It also means that if something happens to my parents I will be so far away I will be of little help. I am scared to death. I know this is what God is leading me to do, but I feel like hiding under a rock. I know that he will not let me go alone. I know that not only has he allowed me to take my dog with me, but that he will be there too. I also knows that when I am able to work through my fears and insecurities, I will be able to feel him near me and feel his comforting arms around me. I pray that his will be done, and that he comforts me. I want to go there and accomplish what ever purpose he has in mind. I know I have to. I know I want to.