It is soooo cold!!! I cannot believe it might snow this week...
Something else that is cold.....
teenage girls!
When I was growing up, I hated myself. Mainly because I spent so much time validating myself by how others perceived me. My parents taught me that I was special, but no more special than anyone else.
So...Off I trotted to school with the idea that all people are valuable and deserving of respect. But I also went with the expectation that I too would be viewed valuable and deserving of respect.
HAHAHAHA
I grew up in small town USA, where there was only three types of people.
1. Those WITHOUT money.
2. Those WITH money..
3. Those who acted like they had MONEY.
My parents both worked. We fell somewhere in the middle class.
Some of my classmates were children of the doctors, dentists, and bankers in our town. They were sooo special. Thats what everyone thought. Thats what they thought.
Some of my classmates were children of farmers, grocery store workers, and prison workers. They were special too. But no one told them that...and No one told the well-to-do kids either.
Those kids of the wealthy were known as 'popular.'
The popular kids ruled the school. They walked with their head held high. If there was an argument between them, it was a big deal...to everyone like they were small town celebrities.
They played the sports. They were cheerleaders. They were special.
I thought about it often. I must not be so special after all..my parents must have lied. I don't play sports..I'm not a cheer leader...people didn't care about my relationships.
The popular kids had a way of excluding all others from their group. They may be 'nice' to someone less fortunate because they 'felt sorry' or had 'an obligation' to set an example. Everyone knew they didn't really care about anyone but themselves and their immediate friends (the other 'special' kids).
So, I came home crying. I am fatter than the popular girls'. My hair wasn't as straight as the popular girls'. My family didn't see the necessity in buying me a brand new car at sixteen.
I put myself down for years.
I went away (oh thirty minutes away) to college. A lot of the people I graduated with went too.
Somehow, still surrounded by the popular kids, I began to think differently. I began to view myself as Felicia...someone 'special.'
I would see those 'popular' kids. Amazingly, they wanted to know how I was doing..What was going on in my life...
I would politely converse and go on my way.
I began to surround myself with positive people who had the same beliefs as me. I gave my life to God.
Yesterday, I saw one of the 'popular' girls.
"OH hi Felicia..what are yooouu doing now???"
"Social work..what about you?"
"I am working for...BlahBlahBlahBlah."
Something along the lines of "I have a really important job now..."
I walked away thinking..Wow...some things never change..you are still very special..
But I also thought "I am still very special too."
If I could go back in time (believe me I am so thankful I can't)...I would have validated myself by the way I treated others. I would have found worth in me and others. I would have spent less time worrying if the 'popular' girls would like me..and more time liking me.
I wish I could show those girls who are walking down the same halls that I did how special they are. How wonderful they are.
